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8.06.2013

This time last year:

I was lost.
Miserable.
Lonely.
Alone.
Thousands of dollars in debt.
Feeling hopeless and with out purpose.
Living at home.  With my parents.
About to take on a company that I had no idea I even wanted.

This year:
Taking the leap of taking over the company, becoming my own boss, creating my own destiny, has resulted in life changing circumstances.  In the last year I've crawled out of more debt than I thought possible.  I've gotten out from underneath the thumb of a man who was truly abusive of his power over me and my emotions.  I've come into my own as a business owner.  While I'm not perfect, I'm learning, and actually succeeding.  I've opened myself up to a man I normally would have ignored, simply because he didn't fit the physical ideal I had in my head for "Happily Ever After", and in turn found someone warm, and kind and funny, and sexy as hell, who I can't take my mind off of, and whom in a matter of a few short months, I have fallen madly in love with.  Moved in with.  Decided I want to spend the rest of forever with.  I am more confident, carefree, and myself, than I have ever been.  I am truly happy.

What a difference a year makes.

6.26.2013

Happiness is...

Two months ago I was at an all time low emotionally.  Having finally suffered the ultimate betrayal in my 5 year relationship I found myself defeated, alone, feeling sorry for myself and humiliated.  There was no where else to go but up.  That morning my father found me crying and alone and at the end of a rope.  He said to me that morning "This will all pass, it wasn't the right situation for you.  Trust me (he's been married 3 times) when you find it, it'll come unexpectedly and from out of nowhere, and it will suddenly all make sense why all the others never worked."  Truer words were never spoken, as I think I'm in the midst of it this very moment.

6.11.2013

Pretty sure...

I think I found him.

6.10.2013

What a difference a weekend makes

I barely know you, but I awoke in the middle of the night physically sad that you weren't there.

6.04.2013

Unusual Political Rant

Kathleen Rice...  Your campaign to "clean up" Nassau county is deplorable and I hope you one day know the familial destruction you have inflicted on 104 men that don't deserve your feminist agenda.  Yes, prostitution is wrong, but it is not your job to destroy the lives of miserable men that you know nothing about. 

5.31.2013

Decisions...

The apartment I backed out of because you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me is available again finally.  Will I make the same mistake again?

5.19.2013

Realizing...

that I'm never going to not be in love with you somehow gives me comfort.

4.08.2013

Just because

I've chosen not to let you hurt me anymore, doesn't mean you'll listen.

2.21.2013

The Time of Your Life

"I dream of home. Christ, I always dream of home. I've no home. I've no place. But I always dream of all of us together again. We had a farm in Ohio. There was nothing good about it. It was always sad. There was always trouble. But I always dream about it as if I could go back and Papa would be there and Mamma and Louie and my little brother Stephen and my sister Mary. I 'm Polish. Duval! My name isn't Duval, it's Koranovsky. Katerina Koranovsky. We lost everything. The house, the farm, the trees, the horses, the cows, the chickens. Papa died. He was old. He was thirteen years older then Mamma. We moved to Chicago. We tried to work. We tried to stay together. Louie got in trouble. The fellows he was with killed him for something. I don't know what. Stephen ran away from home. Seventeen years old. I don't know where he is. Then Mamma died (Pause) What's the dream? I dream of home."

That'll Teach ya!

For months, I have been stockpiling a Japanese spice mixture that comes with a particular dish that I order for lunch occasionally. It is super spicy (and delicious) so only a small amount is needed. I had finally gotten a quantity I was happy with, and meant to bring it home last night. I forgot. This morning it was in a coworker's office, half eaten by what I can only imagine is one very unhappy mouse today!

2.12.2013

Completely Raw

The last few weeks have been like traveling back in time.  Or having a long lost friend finally come back home.  But it's been great, and as happy as I had grown to be, this added element has amped up the wattage.
Today I go raw.  Raw food raw.  Let's see how it goes!

2.05.2013

Ageing gracefully

Just now came to the realization that the time has come in this girl's life, for night creme....

1.31.2013

Unspoken

What makes me smile

Back in 2009 the boy traveled faraway to a fun festie that will remain in infamy...and will always make my whole body smile.  Love John Butler Trio!

1.30.2013

Jewel Tones

https://soundcloud.com/mariotx/foolish-games

So goood!  In high school, I was jokingly referred to as "The Girl Who Almost Died for a Jewel Song".  This Jewel song to be exact.  Driving up the Taconic in my maroon 1988 Chevy Celebrity Station Wagon, on a sunny Saturday afternoon, having just gotten my license.  Auto shuffling through the radio stations, I lost control of the car attempting to get back to the station that this song flashed on.  Thankfully, no damage was had, and I learned a valuable lesson about priorities!  (Also, to just keep the damn cassette in the car, then you can hear it whenever you want!)

1.27.2013

Tiny Furniture

Last night was devoted to all things Lena Dunham.  I watched the second half of the season 1 of Girls, and then proceeded to check out her first feature film, Tiny Furniture.  The plight of the early 20 something proceeded to then invade my dreams.  Woke up inspired to write and paint and cook and fall in love.

1.26.2013

7/10ths

Working my way through the HBO show Girls, and it just reminds me that I'm not 24 anymore.

The website lied.  Peach Detox does NOT taste better than Berry Detox.

I had a text convo tonight with a boy about food that in the end felt like text sex.

I've been burning a cranberry orange candle for going on 24 hours, and it's starting to make me nauseous.   But it's burnt down so far that if I blow it out, I'll never be able to fit my hand that far down in to relight it.

I dyed my hair for the 4th time in 2 weeks today in what appears to be becoming a futile attempt to get my hair color back to blonde.

I said I'm reading a biography of John Lennon, but really I stopped two weeks ago and have been reading Kristen Johnston's bio Guts instead. 

I spent an hour tonight on a tumblr called Hippy Girls.



1.24.2013

Smooth Vibrations

Every morning after my ridiculously hot shower, I slather myself in my newest batch of whipped Shea butter and head downstairs to load up the blender with bananas, vanilla flavored soy or hemp milk, my micro greens, flax meal, coconut oil, and whatever other fruits I may find laying around that strike my fancy.  Three nights ago I made my very favorite mashed sweet potatoes with orange juice and bit of brown sugar, and seeing as I am the only person living in my house who has this unbridled sweet potato addiction, the large pot has sat mostly untouched.  Trying to figure out what to do with all these sweet potatoes that nobody wants to eat, a little bell went off! 
I've been reading so much about pumpkin smoothies these days...why not sweet potato?  But would it be weird with vanilla?  Who knows.  Banana?  Ick...no.  So I set out with my work horse of a blender, my pre-mashed sweet potatoes, Very Vanilla Soy milk, some flax meal, and in the end threw in some frozen mango chunks, just in case.  It took some coxing, but eventually it all smoothed out into a velvety, thick concoction. 
I'm not going to lie, that first sip with a bit questionable.  It's sweet potatoes...but it's not.  It's thanksgiving....but I'm drinking it.  Half way through my 16oz my mind is made up.  This is friggin' fantastic!!!  Such a nice change up from my daily banana/blueberry/kiwi...blah blah blah...and without the addition of ice, its not so teeth numbing, especially in these single digit temps we're having right now.
Love learning new things every day!

1.23.2013

Living in high speed

I've been in overdrive the last few weeks.  Health kicks, love struck, inspired by all of these fantastic materials I've found to mix together into creams and scrubs.  Spending every morning perfecting my new smoothie habit, and watching it evolve with each new article I read or fun element I find at the health food store.  I spend my nights whipping up batches of Shea butter that smell like cupcakes, or meeting my cute interesting guy for a bottle of wine in a dark candlelit corner.  Settling into hermit-ude for the first few months of winter has reawakened me.  And it feels perfect!

1.01.2013

Good Morning 2013!

Waking up to face a new year, hangover free for the first time in 11 years.  What a difference time can make!

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