Reconnecting with a discarded friend...always a good thing. Let's just hope "the Man" and I can figure out a way to make spending New Years with them work!
Chugging along on newest project. I hate designing built-ins, though its really because I always forget to RESEARCH! Idea files are key...and its a step I just never do! I got it now though. Now we're cookin'...
- Figure out what it is in life I always want to be the best at and narrow it down to a career. So far we have painting, cooking, and acting. With the heads up I recently got, cooking may be viable....I just can NOT turn 30 and still feel like a floundering adolescent! Time to get this shite together!
- Curb my drinking, determine who in my life I actually enjoy hanging out with sober, and focus on them. Sarah and I realized the other night we have large clumps of friends we've never even SEEN outside of a social drinking setting....that can't be good!
- Get back to where I was at before this whole job thing fell apart! Back to the healthful level, back to the happiness level, back to LEVEL.
noticing the snow at 3am and, like Pavlov's dog, craving a mushroom trip.
spending way too much time with her furry feline friends.
realizing the pattern of repercussions of a dirty habit, and deciding to change.
finally deleting stored text messages of significance from moments she never wanted to relive in the first place.
so excited to have sunshine fly back in from LA!
At the age of 28 I am dating another nice man named Mike, who loves to regale me with stories of growing up in our shared hometown, only almost 10 years earlier than I. He tells of crazy dirt biking in my back woods, running rampant around the streets, and hooking up with his girlfriend in the driveway of the kids she babysat for...
It just all came together....
Seems I have my current guy to thank for much of the sexual shenanigans of my own adolescent years.
Now I feel weird.
One can dream though....
Since it was still so early, I had no real inclination to actual get up...so I returned to bed and just sort of stared out the window. Something felt different. I couldn't describe it...but it felt familiar.
2008 has been the hardest year of my life. But also, the most amazing. And as I sat there, staring out into the lightening parking lot, at the same trees and cars I've been staring at for 3 years...I felt it. Comfort.
I noticed a forgotten Zine sitting on my bedside table, from a beloved "Tinytown" resident, dedicated specifically to our tiny town, for and about its residents. An hour later, I had traveled back across these past few years in this crazy town, with its often infuriating, yet ever more so endearing, quirks and antics. I shot back to evenings spent on the back "porch" of the pub, sitting by the river at spring's first warmth sipping beers and watching the barges float by. Sledding down the back hill of the mansion during blizzards with a bon fire burning below. Weekends spent bbqing in the snow to celebrate football playoffs. Running out to the river at first light with a boy I was completely enamoured with to watch the ice crack after an all-night bender.
It's these moments that keep this town's residents tied to its limits. These patches of sunshine that, upon reflection, occur more often than not. I am urged to walk into town today for more than excercise. Instead, to reach out and find yet another patch of sunlight.
Have been engrossing myself in nostalgic films for the last 24 hours in an attempt to rid myself of this settled in funk.
Cry it out has always been my mantra.
Well, I've been crying...except for a brief hour and a half at the bar watching game shows...and so far Christmas seems no brighter than it was before. Searching for a way to make all of this free time I have actually mean something. Hard when the one person you spend all of your time with also seems to be affected by this S.A.D. time of year. Maybe I should get one of those sun replicating lamps.
I'd never make it in Alaska.
And so my life changing decision, made 5 years prior, is once again confirmed. Despite the still searing pain it evokes upon reflection.
My last chance is Into the Wild. One of the most personally touching films I have seen to date. Just the sound of Eddie Vedder's voice on the soundtrack sends tears streaming down. But its necessary to stand by my decision to curb my drinking and regain a productive spot in society.
Otherwise, I just may disappear into myself. Fortunately, my mother's smile spurs me onwards.
Should be a good show...eventually. Once they get off book and the set changes are smoother. But a 4 hour first run is pretty painful! At least the set is soothing and interesting to watch change and morph. I might be proudest of this one yet!
My mom for being the awesome, non judgmental powerhouse of a woman she is!
My dad, for always going above and beyond!
My "step" parents...Rick and Maureen for not trying to be my actual parents, but instead being great friends.
My little bro...even though he drives me batshit crazy!
My grandma...for sitting in the car with me for almost 4 hours, in order to spend with us what may be one of her last thanksgivings (ok...tear)
My girls...all of em...Emy, Michelle, Kelly, Andrea, Allie, Brenna, Michelle, and Melissa for being a constant beacon of strength and understanding.
My kitties, Cash, Max, Francis and Peppi for bringing joy and entertainment and undieing devotion
My Man for being supportive and always willing to work through mine and our idiosyncrasies despite the frustration and hopelessness
And finally...T-Town, as much as it frustrates and bores me, it never lets you down. You always know what you're gonna get, and how it's gonna play out.
MWAH! You're da best!
Happy last 30 minutes of Thanksgiving '08!
Grownup is a state of mind.
• Ancestors went steerage. I take subway.
• Being wrong about everything was amazing.
• Traded mastheads for Texas desert sky.
• Found success, lost relatives, then friends.
• AARP. Carded a whole new way!
• Sought knight, now I need armor
• Happiest pretending to be someone else.
• Home is not where I'm from.
• Rode the hare instead of tortoise
• Raised two children, one has survived.
• Desolately I burnt his love letters.
• Your good deed left me devastated.
• Escaped city. Miss noise. Who knew?
• Breakfast of bran, damn... traffic jam
• Loving bi-polar boyfriend: requires strong patience
• I've learned more than I've taught.
• Wanted: Man. Toothless need not apply.
• My golden ticket was printed incorrectly.
• I'd marry him again and again.
• I have cerebral flatulence every day.
• Artist, disabled. Feeling mislabeled. Ambitions tabled.
• The road diverged; I took it.
• Some collect coins, I collect diplomas
• My arms have ink in them.
• Damsel in distress; that's not me.
• Flirted with greatness, settled for less.
• I think “Ow,” sums it up.
• Easily distracted—rarely finish what I
• I live life to its fullest!
• Broken heart never mended, just grew.
• The age of Aquarius smelt fishy
• However ... I am grateful we met ...
• Life's harder than they tell you.
• One man, one woman, nine children.
• Waiting for love, He found me.
• My Irish heart has Chinese eyes.
2 Tickets to Michael Franti Concert = $60
2 Cans of Guiness @ the show = $16
Getting into a fight with giant dread locked chick because she claimed we were "touching her" and then watching security tell her that this was the 2nd complaint she'd made and perhaps maybe SHE was the problem? = Priceless
One of "the Man's" and my favorite snarky activities is to watch the gaudy jewelry shows on HSN. Last night was a particularly hideous collection of "art deco" pieces. I'm expecting this ring to be under the tree for me this year. He promised after all!
- 4 movies from my childhood I've been searching for for years!
- a book on kitty cat health
- a hair brush
- pepper spray
Yup, I spent the morning melting down old candle pieces of discontinued scents that I've been hording over the last few years...and made NEW candles! Yup!
THEN! I learned just how expensive large scale prints are! And that I TOTALLY should have taken that free large format printer that was offered to me...and gone into business as a printer!
The Man: That sounds cool, but that's a lot of cheese!
Me: Actually, I don't want to do cheese or chocolate fondue! My family always does a fondue party ever Christmas, only it's with meat...
The Man: What the f*ck do you dip in MEAT?
Now, I can see how it was confusing...but at the time...hysterical!
"That guy in the red shirt looks so familiar..."
I look over to see "The Captain" snarfing away at a plate of food:
"Yeah, that's my ex...you met him once."
"Oh, is that awkward?"
"Well, I hate him...so perhaps not so much for me..."
Moments later he whispers in my ear
"Why does that guy in the hoodie talking to 'The Man' look so familiar?"
"That's my other ex, they work together."
"OH! Is THAT awkward?"
"Not as awkward as all these questions you keep asking!"
"Well, I'm just saying...Hey! Look at me! I've only been in town 10 minutes and I already know gossip!"
Its this time of year that I really want to disappear to Boston for a weekend. That was the one good thing about "The Captain". His parents' house was perfection for that quintessential New England getaway! I totally miss drunkenly raiding this kitchen of its fancy imported cheeses, excellent wines and gourmet breads in the middle of the night! It's the only thing I could possibly ever miss about him...except, now, the house has since been sold, and the wine cellar...and the room devoted only to cheese...have all been packed up and moved to France. Phew! Crisis averted!
I am not.
Just found this page of the ex's work...and as I clicked through started to well up. How far he's come since first picking up my camera and taking this image what seems like so long ago now....
And I'm reminded of how much I miss his soul.
"The Man" was a widower with two young children he was taking care of. I was some kind of criminal...a thief/bandit...not sure..he captured me, and was taking me, along with a wagon train, to the local city so he could turn me in and collect the reward money. (Sorta like the movie 3:10 to Yuma...one of the first movies we ever watched together) Along the way, he fell in love with me, and started to trust me, and so would give me a bit of freedom, but at every chance I got I would run...and he'd come after me, angry that he'd fallen for trusting me again....this went on two or three times, until I finally woke up, heart pounding, after being surrounded by a circle of muskets all pointed at me with very angry faces behind, and him standing there, unarmed, looking helpless and defeated.
The odd part of the whole thing was the realness of it all. I could feel the desperation and the burning in my legs as I'd run up hills. His two children, a boy and a girl, the boy whom he'd refer to as "My boy". We didn't look like each other, but I knew it was us.
I'd like to believe in soul mates. I'd like to believe in being tagged with one person as we travel through this universe changing energy and form. I never believed in reincarnation as a child, until now, as I feel I've experienced it with various spirits in my own life. This dream has my brain working overtime....
Ever since I was a little girl I've been in love with that time in our history. The time of covered wagons and little towns on the prairie. Have always wanted that lifestyle...where simplicity was the norm, and life was hard. Have always wanted to meet my strapping young Almanzo behind two proud Morgan horses. Does a blue mazda pickup truck count as today's equivalent?
The putty tat that I fell in love with is the grey striped one that "the Man's" petting over there. He just reminded me so much of dear old Munchkin But three cats in a condo? Eh...probably not a good idea. Even though it WAS free adoption weekend....grrrrrr....we'll see!
Spent the last 24 hours in the Blackhead Mountains. Had a fabulous time, even if it did kinda reiterate just how out of shape I've gotten in the last few months. But I survived...and we had a great time!
See more pics at the site...
Now...we're off to get a kitten!
Went back to Pine Box for the first time in years (Step mom's house doesn't count) and hiked around Thompson Pond w MM. While there, we saw FOUR snakes...wandered off the trail and got totally turned around FIVE times...and got ONE parking ticket!!!!! Parking on pavement. Where the f am I SUPPOSED to park!?!? Hope "the Man" is fareing far better in his mountain top isolation!
Last night was rough. This is the first time "the Man" and I haven't been within 1 mile of each other since...March?!?! But Angus was awesome. Awesome enough to head back out and hear him again tonight? Ehhh....probably not. Stocked up on good stuff at the health food store. Bought a couple bottles of wine. And a copy of "the Holiday" came in the mail today! I think I'm gonna girl out on "Rice and Salad", have a spa night, drink some wine and watch some Cameron Diaz flicks! All this prepping for the total girl immersion tomorrow night.
If the smell of banana bread starts emanating from my house....you know I've been lost to the dark side! And should probably come in and join me!
ME: I mean I remember seeing it on CNN and being like "Oh no way! He was a gorgeous man!"
MM: Yeah, he was really cute...I loved Three's Company
ME: I was talking about Paul Newman....
The boys are currently deliriously stoned and napping on the couch.
I live in a feline frat house.
My daily "Old Man Walk" around the village yielded quite a bit more than usual this afternoon!
List of scores include:
- a postcard book of kissing animals
- Copy of "Running With Scissors"
- "Little Earthquakes" by Jennifer Weiner
- Random paperback "In the Family Way"
- a 4"x4" marble tile...perfect coaster!
- a Motley Crue biography!
I left the Chinese takeout container for the next lucky bastard. Better hurry while it's still there!
Put your iPOD,
See how many actually make sense
This is my favorite song right
Is this true?
This is my least
Is this true?
(No video available. Like, at ALL! They're an obscure band I found in Hawaii....)
I have no idea why this song is on my music
Is this true?
This song makes
Is this true?
This song makes
Is this true?
This song makes
Is this true?
This song ALWAY
Is this true?
This song bring
Is this true?
(No Link found)
This song remin
Is this true?
This song is overp
Is this true?
This song is not played enoug
Is this true?
I'm sick of this song:
Is this true?
I can't get enough of this song:
Is this true?
(No link for THIS one either...that's unbelievable!)
Some one told me about
Is this true?
Is this true?
I have watch
Is this true?
Made myself a little office in my apartment last night, to hopefully, finally, become more productive, and stop falling asleep on the couch! I'd take pictures, but due to "Hairy Mon" and "The Old Fella", my apartment looks like I haven't vacuumed in weeks....which is not the case...its only been about two.... :(
I haven't had this much change in a long time! It feels good. Day-um good!
Funny enough, we've lived in it's general vicinity for about 5 years now, and have NEVER gone! So, today, we went. There were the usual fair food vendors...most of whom simply added "Garlic" to their standard fares. For instance, Shellma chose "garlic knots", while I opted for "garlic clams", and both of us enjoyed a nice "Garlic beef on a stick". Which was actually pretty damn gross!
And the tasting!?!?! Oh, the TASTING! Booth after booth of garlic jelly, jalapeno jam, and every conceivable party dip known to man! I am packed to the gills with pretzels and stale tortilla chips!
Still, a pretty nice way to spend an afternoon, with my best foodie friend, and the food I love the most! All the while the "men" stayed home reveling in the Sunday Afternoon Football hoopla! So, I'm betting, we are probably all are at the same level of "stank"! HA!
Someone...somewhere...also in my building...is listening to organ music and full blast. Rock out!
I've got no car for the day....gave it to my little brother until his is fixed....and of course today I want to do all this stuff like....take back recyclables for $$$! And buy pot roast!
Just looked down and realized my left palm is covered in blood. Somehow sliced it while doing dishes. This just further reaffirms my fear of cleaning!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!
I've become obsessed with NOT washing my hair. All the dieing and avoiding haircuts over the years, I thought it was damaged beyond repair, but in the last few weeks simply realized that perhaps even every other day washings were taking their tolls. Haven't washed* it since Saturday and it feel FABULOUS! Only took 28 years to figure out!
Been walking daily and doing sit-ups ad nauseam to fight off the slovenliness that was our summer of early retirement. Back to yogurt and salads in an effort to avoid "the fast".
Hey! Anybody want spider plant babies? I'm rooting a whole bunch and hoping to give them away as presents...perhaps for Christmas. So if you want in...speak up!
*I DO wet it and condition...every other day...but no shampoo. The Man taught me the trick. Funny!
Is it too early for beer? I'm watching a quintessential girly film (don't judge me!) while doing my monthly billing of clients. I've only been awake for 3 hours, and it's a gorgeous day! Therefore, I think it's time for me to enjoy a Heineken....responsibly...of course!
(OH MY GOD!!!! WHY is Alicia Keyes in this movie?!?!?)
This is what I found today when I finally went online to cancel that "oh so once long ago created online dating profile". Haven't used it in years, and yet, whoever Joe1261 is thought from the info I'd written 5 years ago that the above lines would reel me in!
And that was just the beginning!
Remember the Friends episode where Chandler and Ross try and quit the gym? THAT is JUST how hard it is to get any trace of your presence removed from these damn websites! Its a labyrinth of multiple choice/choose your own adventure type questions that take you further and further in until you can't remember why you're there...or if you even still HAVE a significant other! RIDICULOUS!!!!!
EGADS! I've still got one more floating around out there to extinguish!
Oh, the mistakes of youth....
And OH MY GOD! Forget all the b.s going down on Wall Street! The real tragedy is happening right in Times Square. As of November, TRL will be no more?!?! How can they do this? Where oh where shall I go from here to learn the newest method for hootin' and hollerin' at young tarlets? I'm going to go weep now.
I went back through the old posts from the old site...and even now, even 2.5 years later...this still makes sense...
Maybe it’s the thrill of the hang over that keeps me coming back to this bottle. After all, now that I’ve grown past the era of vomiting and headaches, what better excuse is there to remain curled in bed until the afternoon sun hits the window? Seems it’s been my favorite way to spend a Sunday.
Waking up, on the opposite side of the bed, his dead arm thrown across my shoulders, pj’s askew after hastily being applied. There’s the first glimpse of sun, where the head is still clear; that is until the foreign situation is realized and how late the night ran, and the whirlwind state that we entered the house all comes rushing back and suddenly you realize that the only thing on the earth needed right now is a huge glass of water!
I throw myself out of bed and into the bathroom where every orifice is dry as a bone and the sight of my hair flattened to my head is enough to know that a shower is the only thing that will bring my pale complexion back to life. Then there’s the hunt for the Brita that was, of course, left empty on the counter after being drained a few hours earlier in a hope to ward off this dry bone feeling pervading my head. Searching the empty fridge for some sort of liquid while the filter slowly works it’s magic on the sulfur infused river water. Finally, siphoning enough to fill the large protein shake glass that is quickly halved and passed on to the bleary eyed man emerging from his coma hours earlier than he’d like.
This was our ritual. Our destructive cycle we followed when the weeks got too long. He was the first man who could hold his own standing next to me at a college bar with $3 bottles. We never saw anything wrong with how we played with our chemical makeup, poisoning ourselves as repayment for jobs done hard.
Surveying the morning-after damage of pants thrown on chairs, cell phones tossed on counters and spilled purses and pockets, signs of frantic searches for chap stick pots to fight off the dryness of wind blown lips from standing in frigid temperatures while one scampered off in search of new or old friends. One last goodbye always led to a new hello to someone entering the scene just when we should have been leaving. Good night is not a word we learn easily.
Then the phone calls, returning on the scattered promises to meet for breakfast, squished into tiny tables in a crowded bistro, rehashing the previous night’s events over omelets, potatoes, and hollandaise.
This has been how my life has run for 5 years now. The college towns change, the partners switch off, but it all smells like the same stale cigarette smoke and light beer of the last era. Yet the intrigue never dies. Perhaps it is an addiction to the aftermath. A forced comradeship formed clinging to each other while the crowd presses in, anxious to take our spots, claimed before the cover charge is implemented and the younger sect takes off into full party flight. It was these nights that have always made me feel loved, have always made me feel close, part of a group. And perhaps it’s the afterglow of a night spent under dim lights and surrounded by pulsing noise that’s the addiction. That feeling that a night was not wasted because it’s brought memories to share in the morning.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen...that is THE tomato! The one that grew and grew and refused to turn from green. Well, it seemed overnight it went from hard and unripe to bright yellow and begging to be cooked up into something wonderful! (As one might notice, it is a bit over half the size of The Man's head!)
And so, we obliged. For the first time I scored and blanched and skinned and squeezed and pureed and simmered and created my very first pot of gen-u-ine sauce that started as a small seedling found at a farmer's market...to becoming one of the best pans of eggplant Parmesan this German gal's ever tasted! Not to mention the subsequent pizzas and pasta dishes that were to follow the next few days.
Oh yes, a girl could get used to this domestic sorta lifestyle...I think I'm gonna go make Banana bread! (disclaimer...no bananas we actually grown by aforementioned blogger)