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12.15.2008

My Head Won't Leave My Head Alone

Kinda really strange that I just watched Bridge to Teribithia for the SECOND time, and still don't really get it! Guess it's just too boring for me!
Have been engrossing myself in nostalgic films for the last 24 hours in an attempt to rid myself of this settled in funk.
Cry it out has always been my mantra.
Well, I've been crying...except for a brief hour and a half at the bar watching game shows...and so far Christmas seems no brighter than it was before. Searching for a way to make all of this free time I have actually mean something. Hard when the one person you spend all of your time with also seems to be affected by this S.A.D. time of year. Maybe I should get one of those sun replicating lamps.
I'd never make it in Alaska.
And so my life changing decision, made 5 years prior, is once again confirmed. Despite the still searing pain it evokes upon reflection.
My last chance is Into the Wild. One of the most personally touching films I have seen to date. Just the sound of Eddie Vedder's voice on the soundtrack sends tears streaming down. But its necessary to stand by my decision to curb my drinking and regain a productive spot in society.
Otherwise, I just may disappear into myself. Fortunately, my mother's smile spurs me onwards.

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